tigrlilyblooms

My house:
http://maps.google.com/maps?f=q&source=s_q&hl=en&geocode=&q=7269+Grandiflora+Dr.+Olive+Branch,+MS+38654&sll=40.75844,-73.985195&sspn=0.051231,0.153637&ie=UTF8&t=h&layer=c&cbll=34.966085,-89.8771&panoid=-VvGw9NvqI4eIYXZP7NZjQ&cbp=11,306.89,,0,-9&hq=&hnear=7269+Grandiflora+Dr,+Olive+Branch,+DeSoto,+Mississippi+38654&ll=34.966085,-89.8771&spn=0.003112,0.019205&z=16&iwloc=A

I am officially in Boston at grad school!! I am officially homesick! lol. I'm trying to combat it though and may go to an under thirty meditation group tonight. I am working on a paper today adn have sooo much work to do it's ridiculous. Other than that, life's been pretty sweet. I've gotten out and about to see sights such as Salem, hung out with lots of new people, have a great bf, and a great job. So, life isn't bad here at all, I'm simply nostalgic and hope that I can get over it by next semester. <3
I'll write more when I have time. I should be concentrating on my paper, but I'm not. haha.

The moon hung low in the sky on my drive home tonight.  The sky was somewhat clear and the stars were twinkling down at me.  There was a cluster of whispy clouds creating forms in front of the seemingly full moon.  As I drove and watched, it seemed that a little boat appeared in front of the moon; something like a canoe with oars and the shape of a human in its bowels illuminated there.  The cloud-boat gently drifted away from the lunar rays as if carried by sea, yet carried by air currents.  Even the clouds around the boat seemed wave-like.  I thought of Peter Pan and the big ship being carried by fairies from Neverland, home.  As I pulled up to my driveway I almost expected to see Pan perched on top of my roof, ready to carry me off.   No one was there and those clouds had dissapated.
So much for a dream.
And I looked up the symbolism:
"boat or ship
The means by which you move forward in your life, and your movement along your life path.
Seeing a boat in the distance can mean you're looking to the future, or expecting or desiring change."

How ironic.

Also, found a really fun site... http://www.poetseers.org/ I am really into reading Eugenio Montale right now and E.E. Cummings.  Currently, I'm reading The Physick Book of Deliverence Dane as well as Palimpsest.  Both are must reads.  The first is a must read for any historical fiction lover, as it takes the Salem Witch Trials and creates a new plot using past and present information.  I've read so many historical fiction books on the Salem Witch Trials and for some reason I am drawn to more.  I have a yearning to know more about that time since it was so mysterious and scary. 

Today I registered for classes!! Tomorrow, I hope to get this loan underway..I've completed Entrance Counseling and the MPN. Just gotta talk to a financial aid advisor, but I'm going Flashback-ing, Goodwill-ing, and Antiquing with my friend, Lauren...sooo I'm hoping for Thursday latest. 

Oh, sooo much to do.

Also check out Saturna (aka Lorin Vincent)... www.saturna.thinkhead.com ...and check out her awesome music (the link is at the top of the page).  She'll be playing at Dish, July 18th, for her monthly .HUB. gathering.  And this month it's freeeee!!! You're invited. :)

Sometimes life throws suprises at you; whether they're positive or negative, does it really matter?  They normally keep you from your redundant routine, which is refreshing. 
I made plans to move back to Massachusetts when I came back from my vacation early January.  Massachusetts is my home and ever since we moved, I've always felt a longing to return and start my adult chapters in life.  So, the first thing I did was applied to Wheelock College and apply for a transfer with my company Barnes&Noble.  I finally found out at the beginning of May that I had gotten both and they even had space for me to live on campus.  I will be working at the Prudential Center and attending an amazing education school pursuing my master's in Language&Literacy.  I'm so excited!  Now, I just have to apply for the loan.... that's the not so fun part and the part that I have been "too busy" to do lately.
See, life here has been throwing me some amazing curveballs- the kind you would want to see thrown!  Late April I was fed up with working at Barnes and Noble.  I was just standing in the cafe asking my angels for something, anything other than this right now.  I even said, "I'll go home and check the newspaper later, too! But, I need a second job for my sanity."  In walks Elizabeth McCray (literally while I was standing there)offering me a Sub-Contracting position with her company A+ Tutoring.  I have no idea what drew her to me, but I was thrilled to be doing something that was more in my field.  Next, I took a Poi class and overheard a woman asking our teacher if she had any free time to teach pre-school Spanish.  As soon as I heard our teacher saying no, she could never do that, I whipped around and introduced myself.  Tia gave me another opportunity to teach young children the joys of Spanish and to relive what I had experienced as a child.  Learning Spanish when you are in kindergarten or younger can be exciting, scary, confusing, and boring if you have the wrong teacher.  But, I have been able to put all of my inherent knowledge to good use.  Sometimes though, I feel as if controlling a classroom is something I need to get better at, or being more forceful. ??
Well, all of these wonderful things come along as soon as I have made the decision to up and move out of here.  I also meet a wonderful guy here who definitely has my heart, but if we are meant to be, then we will.  And his support lifts me higher to attain such goals and makes me feel secure while grasping at them.
I know I am meant to leave here and move on to pursue my deepest desires- my heart tells me everyday!  I guess, the fear of change or the fear of things never being the same is what scares me.  I just want to wrap this moment in a travel-size gift box and open it when things start to get hard.  I know they will.  Everyone has to overcome challenges.
I am also going to miss a certain group of people I have become so close with...spiritually&mentally.  I will miss FOS this year, where we celebrate Samhain.  I will miss most sabbats... I will miss most concerts where Sooj, Bekah, and Ginger perform... I just hope that I can meet people back home who are on the same wavelength as those who I know here.  I need positive energy.  I will definitely need a Reiki group. I can deal with life's everyday problems, but I don't like it when others focus so heavily on them that it becomes lower than being pessimistic.  It's like they surround themselves with this gunk and want to share..  I will definitely miss my friend, Laura, who is an Yuen Method healer and an Angel Therapy Practitioner.  The messages she delivers from our guides is amazing..and it almost feels like mind reading. :) Again, I hope I am able to surround myself with more people like this once I move.
I had the strangest dream earlier..well it was really amazing yet others would look at it as strange.  I was only taking a nap, so I'm not sure I could've been sleeping that deep.  The realistic part of it was opening my eyes and seeing myself laying in my bed and a fairy next to me.  She was the size of a human, a small human.  She was sitting on my left side and started playing a guitar.  I know she wasn't colored the same as us.  I want to say it was almost a purpley color..maybe even mixed with green..so maybe she was a human sized pixie?? Anywho, the fairy started playing a guitar and singing into my ear as I slept.  All of these beautiful melodies and songs started pouring, rushing through me.  There was nothing I could do but try to sing and hum and dance in my sleep.  I remeber shaking my feet and trying to sing out.  I also know that no one else had music on in the whole house.  One of the songs I do remember was her singing about us losing our way (I'm sure she was talking about the way humans have evolved and changed the planet's environment and atmosphere).  She related it back to us pushing things away..so maybe that related to her, like we pushed things such as fairies and the spiritual away from us.  She related the pushing things away, things that we don't understand, or things we don't think we need, back to something that happened fairly recently: taking Pluto out of our solar system.  I may have to decipher this a bit more, but upon waking there was a spot directly to my left that was perfect and spacious enough for anyone to sit.  I also saw that I had forgotten I even owned a guitar. LOL But, my case was to the left of me as well and only the top of the soft case was zipped open.  I haven't touched my guitar probably since last December, so I'm not sure how any of this could have happened since everyone else in my house uses the acoustic guitar and would never use mine without permission.  It was so real and flattering. 
Well, I have rambled on, haven't I?  I'll keep you updated on what goes on with the loan, as well as my next wild dream. 

Oh, and EVERYONE should read Cathrynne M. Valente's Palimpsest.  Imaginative, descriptive, lucid, full of deep characters.  Also, check out her on-line novel "The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland..." It is updated with a new chapter every Monday and you can donate what you like (she is going through a rough time).

Love&light.

I wish I could draw, paint or anything!  I have so many images in my brain, mainly fantasy art like this one, but if I could just put it down on paper it would be amazing.  I absolutely love this piece because faeries are my favorite elemental and tiger lilies are my favorite flower. :) Like the other day, I was just writing in my journal about the day's events and suddenly an image of a girl in a black dress with a blue bow came into my mind.  It was all very urban.  She was walking on pavement, but the pavement had cracks in it and as she slapped her feet down harder when she walked, big blue and purple polka-dotted butterflies flew out of the cracks and carried her upward towards the sky.  <~ That totally sounds like I'm on something. hahah! But to me the image portrayed getting farther away from the abusiveness and confinement of society and metamorphisizing (is that a word?) into your higher self or getting closer with divinity..whatever you believe in. 
Last week I went to a metaphysical fair with Christina and Gary.  It was really fun.  Bought some melachite and made a necklace with it..was very funny that I was attracted to that stone first because once I read the description it said "Capricorn's stone" (I'm a Capricorn).  Plus it's a very very pretty greeeeen. :D We bumped into a random lady we met in Sport's Authority who told us which health bars were better for us and which weren't.  Her name is Jan, she's 23, is in the army, and sells aromatherapy.  Totally ironic and pure fate. 
I also got an angel reading done just because.  And boy, was that a suprise!  I'm totally jealous of Laura (the lady who did my reading) because she has gone to meet Doreen Virtue and gone through some of her classes in Hawaii.  (For those of you who don't know, Doreen teaching classes and has books out about Angels, Fairies etc.  Healing with the Faeries is my favorite book of hers and she is a light worker..an earth angel).  So, the day before the readying I had had "Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, never let it fade away" stuck in my head.  I even incorporated it into Summerland Grove's Full Moon creativity ritual.  Well, Laura told me that my guides wanted me to know that I was "One of the brightest stars in the darkest sky," meaning I could do great things even in places that seemed very challenging (light up dark places).  She said she could see my elemental guides, who were more earth bound, fun, and danced a lot (hmm...no wonder I'm always dancing).  My angel guides were very flowy and beautiful (like the water..which I'm supposed to do something with the ocean..and I already knew that because I have a huge collage of surfers and the ocean on my wall).  Through them, she already knew about me teaching, my love of the earth (trees especially), and being more in tune with the feminine.  She said I looked and acted like an incarnated elemental with a touch of angel in my eyes.  haha. that was cute.  It was definitely an interesting reading and I will definitely recommend her to anyone in the Memphis area who is open to that kind of stuff.  I like different ways of worshipping and looking at life.  There are so many ways, why not gain knowledge from each of them?
Well...that's all I have to say for today!
Happy (almost) Thanksgiving!

Life is sooo...ironic.
I was talking to one of my co-workers/good friends today at BN about a guy she just met.  She always seems to pick the guys that are running a little bit over the edge. This weekend she met up with a newly acquired lunatic at his casa and everything was going great, chilling, drinking, etc. He even offered her a massage!  However, it was during that massage that things got  abusive.  He tried to force her to have sex with him, which she wasn't having because she didn't like him on those terms yet.  And once a guy attempts to force you..lightly put, it's a major turn-off.  So, how does this guy get back at her?  He grabs her glasses off of her face and throws them across the room, smashing them into the wall...twice.  The glasses were only snapped in two, but they were a $400 pair of glasses (maybe why they didn't crumble to pieces, or the guy threw like a wimp).  Now, my co-worker was def about to pound his face in, whether she could see or not, but strangely she decided that doing nothing would make him go even more crazy.  So, she grabbed her things and headed for the car..not that she could see to go anywhere.
About this time in the story I was on my I hate all men rampage. She left after explaining that she managed to drive home with one of her lenses held up to her eye (as well as being called to customer service).  I was mad and returned to what I was doing in the cafe.  Overwhelming thoughts of stupid males, abusive males, and the ex (he fits in more than one category) crowded my brain.  Including: "There are no decent guys out there."
Whether the next occurence was divine intervention or mere coincidence is up to you to decide.  I like to think it was more than just coincidence. 
As I walked back to the breakroom a young black man stopped me. 
"Steph?"
"Um...hey. How are you?" I replied and had a clear do-i-know-you look on my face.
"Oh my god.  You don't even recognize my face."
I apologized and he said he'd tell me who he was later.  I felt like such a jackass! When I returned to the cafe, he walked up and bought a small fiji water and continued making small talk.  That was when I recognized him.  We had talked in Barnes and Noble for about an hour maybe only a week back about everything..but I couldn't remember his name.  AHHHH the frustration!!
As we continued talking though he took more and more interest in the ESL and Creative Writing class I am teaching/tutoring.  He told me he'd be right back and within 5 minutes came back with a fabulously produced poem.  And yes, he should definitely read it aloud at a poetry slam (it's one of those!). We also talked about nature and made plans to take a walk sometime. Then I figured out his name, but asked anyway.  His name is Irvin.  Would you remember that name?? (clearly i wouldnt).  And he seems pretty cool..sooo okkkkk!!!...
Lesson I got from this:
Not all guys are dumb/horrible/not worthy etc...some just forget because they are busy with their own lives as we are...hehehe.   
There may still be some decent ones left hahaha!! (but don't be fooled)
Keep your heart open.
And can I tell you that was seriously like the first time I've forgotten pretty much anything..and I mean like forgotten, wiped from my memory slate forgotten...well unless you count after I have seizures and they ask me what day it is...hehe.
Other than that, I got my pirate undies back!! They were MIA at fos (and for the costume contest..so i had to improvise..that was interesting), but tinky found them on the lost & found table.  Hmm..how clever. So, I will be in full pirate booty regalia for halloween this friday! owow!
welll...until we meet again...*BB.
<33

Shouldn't I be writing something completely profound right about now?
Ok, ok. Perfectionism does get the best of me sometimes.
So, here's the deal: it's friday night, my ear hurts, and I have the chills.  I already took a three hour "power" nap (err??) and now my eyes won't stay shut, but my body feels like someone was punching it in my sleep.  And I've gotta say, after a long week, nothing compares to a mug full of hot cocoa, snuggling in a fleece blanky, and making what interaction I can.

I am extremely excited about the class I will be teaching in a few weeks.  I have volunteered to teach the craziest class ever! Crazy meaning they don't listen, hardly ever sit in their seats, and most of them have certain  "problems" (I'm talking ADD etc).
"But Steph, excitement just doesn't seem to be the emotion you should be feeling."
That is where you are incorrect, my friend!  Sure there are thirty plus kids in a room about the size of a small living room, but hey, I want to try and make a difference.  Actually getting these kids to realize that they are intelligent, well-rounded, creative individuals is what I'm after.  It feels so good when you know you have upped someones confidence.  Plus, confidence goes a long way in helping to shape attitudes, make decisions, and better your own as well as other's lives.  What I have decided to do with these kids is first have them all do a guided meditation.
"Err...crazy kids? How are you going to get them to sit and meditate?"
I know! It sounds far fetched.  But something really makes me want to do this.  I am going to bring incentives of course.  I have decided on some type of food or candy for after, as well as stickers, pencils, and a small inexpensive journal.  I want to put on calming music and have them all think creatively because after they have gotten inside their heads we are going to do a creative writing workshop.  Her class is creative writing, but she is having a problem finding ways to present the information (she's an ESL teacher, my concentration at U of M is creative writing... ta da!!).  I am even more excited to do this workshop with her ESL students because I have found a great website that has worksheets for teaching ESL students to write creatively. 
Other things I have been pondering lately...and just came up in an IM convo (she will be reading this in a moment)...are relationships.  At first I thought I really wanted one, now I'm not so sure and I'm excited about being single.  However, there are those moments when you hear about a friend getting engaged and you think, "Will that ever happen??"  Compared to preparing my lesson plan that is a very small thought in my head.  Just a bubble that pops up every now and then.
As for you, fellow livejournal reader, here are some things I recommend looking into:
1.) sockpoi. Most fun you can have ever! They are very easy to make, and if you are a guy worried about working out, these are a great way to improve upper body strength (warriors used them to keep their wrists fluid when they weren't in battle, so that when they were they could throw their spears better..then the women of the tribe picked it up as a form of dance).  There are lots of great how-to videos on youtube/searching on google.
2.) listen to "Self Evident" by Ani DiFranco if you haven't already :) I wish I could write (and speak) like that.
3.) "when in doubt, love." ~AH

<3,
me